I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
