Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
