mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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