Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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