We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
