Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
