Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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