someone owes me an orgasm
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize