i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
