My sheets look like a crime scene.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize