Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize