"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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