Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize