dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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