Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
