I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
