People in love make me want to vomit
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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