I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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