I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
