There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
