dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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