If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
