if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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