I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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