So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He passed out mid-signature
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
