She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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