There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
