I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
