1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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