The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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