I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
