hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
