I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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