I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize