we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need moral support for this bender
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
