I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
