my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
