i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
