Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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