I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
