Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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