We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I had to cum in my sink.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
