i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize