; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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