you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
