haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
