Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
