I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize