brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize