all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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