Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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