so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you never un-have a 4some
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
