Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
