i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
