So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
BRING THE BAGELS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
