mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
