Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize