i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
