lets start a swedish sibling band together
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
