in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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