The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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