I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize