Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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