Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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