have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
